


The Awakenings

by Lumelle



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Injury Recovery, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 11:46:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6752641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lumelle/pseuds/Lumelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Finn wakes up -- in a Resistance med bay, quite obviously, the First Order wouldn't have bothered actually healing him even if he had still been loyal -- Poe is there.</p><p>There are a lot of questions, but they can still figure it out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Awakenings

**Author's Note:**

> May the Fourth be with you! ~~Okay so it's actually the 5th here but it's still the 4th somewhere so I say it counts.~~

It would not have been exaggeration to say that Finn was surprised to wake up.

He had hardly been in the best position to hope for a miracle, and a miracle was the only way he might have survived. His last memory was cold and pain and darkness, and as everything had faded away he had expected that to be the end of it. Surely there had been no way for him to survive, not with any help far away and Kylo Ren ready to kill him and the destruction of the entire planet being the best case scenario.

Except now he was waking up, in terrible pain and feeling worse than ever in his life, and if this was death then he was very disappointed. Some painless oblivion was the least he deserved, surely.

He tried to open his eyes but closed them again immediately, the bright light making him hiss in pain. Instead of looking about he tried to get information on his surroundings through his other senses. It had hardly been a focus in their training – a stormtrooper who couldn't see would not be of much further use, so there had not been much use in training for such an eventuality – but they had been taught to be generally observant, so he was going to do that, now.

This was no frosty forest, that was for certain, not even a First Order facility. He was lying in a comfortable bed, much more so than anything he had slept in before, warm and dry and as comfortable as could be asked for with the pain still tearing at him. There was the quiet whir of machines around him, and the faint sounds of footsteps and voices that were not in the same room but not too far away, either. Somewhere lived in, then, but a larger facility instead of some private dwelling. A hospital of some sort, which pointed towards the Resistance. They were the only ones who might have any interest in healing him, at this point. Not that the First Order would ever have bothered to keep him alive with the kind of injuries he had likely accumulated, except perhaps to get some more information out of him before he was discarded as useless. There was no sense in wasting resources on healing stormtroopers when there were always more.

He tilted his head to the side, and caught a new sound. Someone was breathing near him, the calm, even breaths of someone asleep. That was a good sign, he supposed. That was not the sound of someone standing guard, not unless they were entirely incompetent, and what he had seen of the Resistance they were not in the habit of being incompetent. Not that they had kept him under guard before, not as such, but he was also under no illusion that he had not been observed. And then, well, there had been the tiny little lie of his, for all that he had done his best to turn it into the truth.

Clearly he had not failed entirely, though, if the Resistance still existed to the point that they had a hospital facility to bring him to. That was a comfort, of sorts.

After a moment he dared to try opening his eyes again. Doing so slowly seemed to help, and after a moment of blinking he managed to actually get a look around. This was definitely a hospital room, that was clear. As he turned his gaze to the side he also realised who he had heard next to him.

Poe was sprawled in a chair in a way that looked rather uncomfortable, apparently deep asleep. He was in his flight suit, which seemed strange. Not that he wasn't used to seeing Poe in such, of course, but this was hardly the usual environment for what was essentially a uniform. There was no mission here, surely, and if Poe had been free long enough to fall asleep without a care, surely he would have had time to change? Yet here he was, looking for all the world as though he had just walked out of his X-wing and collapsed then and there. As Finn kept watching him, Poe shifted slightly, and gave what could only be a snore.

Finn's lips twitched despite himself. The sight was oddly adorable, for all that it was probably wrong to use such a word for a grown man. But then, it wasn't like Poe could be offended by what Finn thought in the privacy of his own mind, now could he?

There was an inquisitive beep, and Finn shifted his head enough to see the source of it. BB-8 was rolling across the floor towards his bed. As his eyes met the droid, though, BB-8 came to a halt and whirred in an excited tone, spinning in place for a second before it made a beeline for the sleeping Poe, beeping loudly. Finn almost asked it not to wake the pilot, except that was clearly too late to do so. Poe was already stirring, groaning as he woke up and stretched.

"Keep it down, BB-8, this is no place for a racket. What's the fuss, anyway?"

The droid beeped even louder, bumping against Poe's leg. For all that Finn could glean no meaning from the sounds except that it sounded urgent, Poe seemed to understand it much better, as his head immediately snapped toward the bed, eyes meeting Finn's.

"Finn! You're awake!" And, because apparently making this observation wasn't enough, Poe bounced up from his seat and over to the side ofFinn's bed. "About time, too! I was starting to wonder if you'd decided to snore away while the rest of us took down the First Order for you."

"You snore," was all Finn could think of in reply, which was not exactly the wittiest comeback in the history of conversation. It was true, though, and that was more than he could say about a lot of things he had claimed lately.

"Yeah, no doubt I do." Poe grinned, as though he had just heard something funny. "Not exactly the best place for a nap, the chair, but one makes do."

"You're not going to convince me the Resistance doesn't even have a bed to offer to their best pilot." His voice sounded hoarse even to his own ears, and he really was in a lot of pain, but if he focused on Poe's grin perhaps he could avoid thinking about it too much.

"Oh, sure I have a bed. I just decided I'd rather sleep here, so you could have a familiar face to see if you decided to wake up. Not that I can be here all the time, but, you know, I tried my best to be around as much as I could, since we had no idea when you would wake." Poe's grin turned into a wry smile, but his eyes seemed happy, still. "Figured it wouldn't be a good idea for you to be in an entirely strange place first thing after waking. Last thing we need is for you to try to fight your way out of here."

"Right." Finn blinked as the implications of what Poe had said started to sink in. "You... are the only one here?"

"More or less." Poe gave a small half-shrug, moving closer to sit on the edge of Finn's bed. He was very close now, enough so that Finn could almost feel the warmth of his body heat, and all of Finn's instincts should have been screaming at him for allowing such a threat near while he lay helpless yet all he could manage to feel was a strange sort of comfort. "I mean, it's not like there are that many faces you know around here, and the General tends to be kind of busy and you hardly speak Wookie and –"

"Rey." He hardly even dared to say the name, but he had to, had to find out what had happened. "She – is she –"

"Oh, she's fine, buddy, don't you worry about her. Went off on a mission of her own, in fact, had hardly a scratch on her when they carried her in. You are the one who had us all worried, so, you know. Thanks for actually waking up." Poe set a hand on Finn's arm, squeezing gently before moving away again. "Turns out you're kind of a hero around here."

Finn swallowed. That was great to hear, he was relieved and strangely comforted, but – "You shouldn't. Think that, I mean." He shook his head. "I'm not a hero."

"Are you kidding me?" Poe's eyes lit up with a kind of disbelieving glee. "Without you taking down the shields we probably wouldn't have managed to get through to the oscillator! And if we hadn't done that, most of the Resistance would now be nothing but space dust and fond memories. You're a hero, Finn, and don't you forget that!"

"I'm a liar." He should have hid that too, should have lied some more so they didn't turn away from him, so that Poe didn't turn away, but he also knew he couldn't keep up the deception forever. Sooner or later one of the others would speak up, would reveal all his lies and subterfuge, and then he would be despised twice over for trying to cover up his tricks. "I lied to Rey that I was Resistance so she would trust me, and then I lied to everyone about knowing how to shut down the shields so I could get on the mission and save Rey."

"So where's the part where you lie?" Poe was looking him in the eye, not surprised, not even disgusted as Finn might have expected, smiling just as he had before.

"Didn't you listen at all?" Surely his voice wasn't that badly gone.

"Oh, I did listen. Can't say I heard any lies, though." Poe's smile widened again. "You were Resistance when you met her, weren't you? You'd helped me escape, and that's clearly something only Resistance would do, certainly not someone working for the First Order. The fact that you hadn't been officially recruited was just a minor detail. And as for the second, well, you might not have known what to do when you set off, but from what Chewbacca and Rey could tell us you definitely figured it out. So in the end, I don't see how you were lying."

"You're twisting things around." Was seeing Finn in much better light than he deserved.

"You did kind of save my life. I think I'm allowed to think highly of you, especially when others agree." Poe patted his arm again, then blinked. "Shit, I should probably let the doctors know you're awake, right? Assuming they don't have some alarm hooked up to your machines or something that lets them know, not like I know how they do these things. I'll be back in a moment, they'll want to look you over, just sit tight okay?"

Finn could not sit in any manner, never mind go anywhere, so he simply lay back on the bed and nodded, closing his eyes. A part of him wanted to ask Poe not to go, plead even, but he knew better than to do that. At best he would make Poe think he was weak, at worst, useless. Finn knew better than to be useless.

As Poe had promised, he returned soon with a doctor, a female human – or sufficiently similar humanoid – with sharp eyes but an apparently genuine smile. She greeted Finn by his name, the name Poe had given him, and asked him questions as she started getting readings from the various machines surrounding him and poking and prodding at various parts of his body. Poe turned away, but didn't leave, much to Finn's relief. He wasn't sure he knew how to ask Poe not to go in a way that wouldn't completely reveal his weakness, but he also didn't want to be left alone, not quite yet. Not when a part of him still wasn't convinced that he was safe here, with these people.

"Well, from what I can see, you're recovering as expected," the doctor told him at last. She must have told him her name at some point, but Finn had completely missed it, too focused on not showing how unsettled he was by the whole thing. "What about pain?"

Finn was about to lie again, to claim he was in no pain at all, when every moment seemed to bring the persistent ache to ever sharper focus. However, he caught sight of Poe who had turned back once the examination proper was done, watching him with worried eyes. For all that his instincts all but screamed at him to hide the truth of his pain and claim to be as unaffected and strong as he was supposed to be, Finn found he couldn't, not when Poe was looking at him like that. He had lied enough, had hidden the truth often enough.

"It hurts," he admitted, sighing as he did so. "Pretty bad."

The doctor nodded, as though that had been exactly what she had expected. "That doesn't surprise me. You were lucky to escape with your life; I would be quite shocked if you weren't in pain. I'll get a droid to bring you pain medication immediately."

"I don't need that." Pain was just weakness, after all, and it was clear he wasn't going to be accomplishing much with his injuries, so trying to treat the pain would have been just a waste of resources.

"I'm afraid I'm the judge of that for the time being, Mister Finn. You need rest to recover, and I don't think you will get much of that if you are in pain. Besides," she leaned toward him and shifted to an overly dramatic whisper that probably carried further than her proper speaking voice, "your friend here has been worrying over you enough as it is. Let's not give him any reason to fret even more, hmm?"

"She's right, you know," Poe said in a voice that tried too hard to be cheerful to hide the edge underneath. "I've been fretting a whole lot. Been quite unbearable, really. I don't think any of us wants to know how I'd be if I knew for a fact that you were in pain. I can be even more annoying than BB-8, and that's saying something."

"BB-8 isn't annoying," Finn said almost without thinking. Then, with an accompaniment of apparently happy chirps, he added, "I – well, if the doctor thinks it's a good idea, I suppose –"

"It's not really a matter of opinion, but I'm glad you see my point." The doctor glanced at a couple of more readings before nodding at him. "The droid with the medication should be here soon, and I will be back later for a more thorough assessment of your condition. For now, get rest, and if there's anything you need, the call button is here. I'm afraid you will be on a liquid diet for a while still, but other than that don't hesitate to ask for whatever you need. As for you, Mister Dameron," she turned to look at Poe, "if you insist on spending your time here anyway, you are to make sure he doesn't do anything too strenuous, such as trying to get up."

"Yes, Ma'am," Poe said, not sounding too surprised, and for the first time Finn found himself wondering just how much time Poe had been spending here. From the way he spoke it had sounded like he had other duties to attend to, but the doctor's comment suggested he had still found plenty of hours to devote to sitting beside Finn's bed.

Poe was still in his flight suit, yet clearly he had been there for a while by the time Finn woke up. Which meant he must have come here directly from his duties, not even taking the time to change, just so he could be nearby if Finn happened to wake up.

He wanted to ask about that, perhaps should have asked about that, yet what he found himself asking about as the doctor walked out was Rey and her mission and how exactly they had made any sense of the fragment of a map. Poe answered his questions easily, probably more so than he should have, considering how sensitive the information could be considered and how unreliable Finn had just proved himself to be. A medical droid did arrive soon, fiddling with the machines and adding some kind of a liquid container to one that was connected to Finn's arm. It didn't take too long for the worst edge of the pain to fade, for all that he doubted it would be properly gone for a long time yet.

Poe chuckled as he caught Finn trying to stifle a yawn. "Just go to sleep," he said. "The doctor did tell you to get rest. I'll answer more questions once you're actually awake enough to remember my answers."

"Promise?" It was a strange question, and one Finn would not have asked if he'd been more awake, but he couldn't help it, not right now. All this seemed like a strange dream, a fevered illusion he had created to make himself feel better in his dying moments, and Poe was the only part making it feel real. Poe had mentioned he'd thought it best to have a familiar face around the first time Finn woke up. Much to his shame, Finn wasn't sure he would do much better the second time around without an anchor to tie himself to.

"Promise." Poe had dragged his chair closer instead of sitting on the edge of the bed this time, and he now reached to touch Finn's arm again, gentle and warm and so much more real than the biting memory of frost and pain and darkness. "I'll answer any questions you have, and I'll make sure you won't be alone. If I can't be here myself, I'll make sure someone else is here so they can let me know the moment you wake up."

"Right. Thanks." That was... better. That was definitely better than the thought of waking up alone and helpless to find nothing familiar in sight. "I guess I can sleep, then."

"Yes, sleep." Poe squeezed his arm. "You've earned it."

Finn still wasn't sure he had – wasn't convinced he'd managed to bring the balance around to the right side, for all that Poe insisted he was a hero – but he knew with a bitter certainty that he was in no shape to do much else. With the pain fading and his eyes sliding shut without much input on his part, there was very little he could do but welcome the sleep that claimed him.

His last thought before falling back to unconsciousness was the idle observation that this time, Poe had not taken his hand away.

*

BB-8 was getting bored, judging by the occasional beeping.

This wasn't a common occurrence, really. Usually his dear co-pilot was very good at finding things to do, especially when "things" meant "bothering Poe about doing something sensible". But then, they had been spending a disproportionate part of their time in one place lately. Poe was fairly sure he had never spent so much time in med bay, even counting times when he had been the one injured.

All right, so perhaps that was partly because he detested staying in med bay any longer than he absolutely had to. But really, when was he going to have an injury that required serious medical attention? He was a pilot, if he got injured in battle all that would be left was some space debris.

Well, so he hadn't been in the best condition after his recent adventure, but that was quite beside the point. He was physically in one piece, which was really the only thing the med bay could help with. The nightmares were between him and his bunk, thank you very much.

Now he was spending a lot of time there, though, and he wasn't even injured aside from what small aches and bruises might have still lingered from his, ah, interrogations. Mostly he was just sitting around, possibly playing around with a datapad and pretending to be reviewing some sort of important information but really just waiting for any signs of Finn waking up. Really, it was no wonder BB-8 would get bored, considering that the poor thing was probably used to a much more active lifestyle rolling about after him everywhere.

Though really, it was unfair of BB-8 to complain when Poe had told it he could just sit there on his own, only to be immediately rebuked. So BB-8 was just as concerned about Finn, and wanted to be there when he woke up again, but still found it necessary to point out that there was really not that much to do while waiting.

Sometimes Poe wondered if his droid didn't take far too much after him.

It was entirely possible BB-8 was just reflecting his own anxiety. It was thankfully not the kind of anxiety he'd felt the first few days, when they hadn't even been certain if Finn would live, but rather the restlessness of knowing very well that Finn might wake up any moment now and yet having to wait. Poe might have thought it would have made the waiting easier, knowing that Finn was doing better and still very much Finn, but really it just made him all the more impatient for what could be.

Not that he really knew what could be, of course. They hadn't exactly spent an awful lot of time together, certainly not enough to give any foundation to some of the more elaborate daydreams Poe was thinking up to pass the time. But even if what could be was just looking after Finn and helping him adjust to his new life, well, Poe still wanted to get started on that.

No rushing, though. It wouldn't do to rush things. Even if it seemed Finn had been asleep for an awfully long time.

Perhaps it was his wistful thoughts breaking through, or perhaps it simply had been long enough, because Finn was stirring again. Poe restrained himself from immediately rushing to his side, not wanting to overwhelm the poor guy right away, though he did definitely sit up straighter in his seat.

"Mmm… Poe?" Finn's eyes blinked open, and really, if Poe hadn't been already aware that he was utterly lost it would have been confirmed as his heart all but stopped at the sight of the faint smile that tugged at Finn's lips. "You're here."

"I promised I wouldn't let you wake up alone." Poe did his best to smile. "I wouldn't break that promise."

"I can see that." Finn's smile widened for a bit, then he frowned. "Wait. Don't tell me you've just been sitting there… however long I slept."

"Not quite." Not that he might not have tried, but. "I got cleaned up, ate, even had a nap. Didn't I, BB-8?" This got him a few sceptical beeps, and he sighed. "Okay, so maybe not all of it was strictly my idea."

"Oh?" And the smile was returning, that was good, even though it was still faint. From all the pain and trauma, no doubt. "Was it BB-8, then?"

"Actually some of my pilots pretty much ambushed me. Which, I know they mean well, but they are very lucky I'm fond of them." Poe gave an exaggerated sigh. "At least they agreed to taking turns in sitting with you. I wasn't about to give up on my promise that easily."

"Right." Except Finn didn't sound entirely convinced.

"Finn? What's wrong?" Clearly something was, judging by the way his smile threatened to fade again though Poe wasn't sure why.

"Nothing. It's just… nothing." Finn shook his head a little. "Forget it, it's stupid."

"Whatever it is, it's not stupid if it bothers you." Poe moved his chair closer from where it had been, close enough that he could reach for Finn's hand. "I made a promise, Finn, and I kind of take promises seriously." Even if he had been forced to break his promise of staying quiet about his mission."

"It's not that! Just… I'm not sure how to feel about a stranger watching over me." Finn sighed. "I told you it's stupid. I'm sure you wouldn't leave me with anyone who isn't safe."

"Damn right I wouldn't." Would fight tooth and nail to keep that from happening. "They're good people, my pilots. I trust them with my life every time we go out, I figured they could keep an eye on you for a bit."

"Your pilots?" Finn lifted his eyebrows.

"Yeah. Jess and Snap in this case, I really need to introduce you to them. They've been pretty curious about you, you know, with the whole hero mess and all. I think Jess wanted to thank you for dragging my idiot ass out of the trouble I got myself into, as she so eloquently put it."

"No, that's not what I meant. Just… yours? What specifically makes them yours?"

"Ah, right." Had he really not mentioned that? Though then, he supposed some things could easily be forgotten in the middle of escaping from evil organisations. "I am kind of their commanding officer, so, you know. My pilots." He gave Finn his best approximation of a rakish smile. It was pretty good, even if he said so himself. "Commander Poe Dameron, Black Leader, at your service."

"You are?" Finn looked confused. "But then… why would you be on the mission?"

"I'm the best pilot around here. Also, just maybe reckless enough to decide to take on the First Order all by myself." Poe gave him a wry smile. "Let's not talk about how well that went."

"Let's not." Finn paused. "That wouldn't have happened in the First Order. Officers don't just go out and do things without people to command. Even — even Kylo Ren usually has stormtroopers with him."

"Well, if you hadn't noticed yet, we're not the First Order." He took Finn's hand and squeezed it a little to make it clear he didn't mean anything bad with his words. "So, how are you feeling? They tell me you slept like a baby while I was away, so that's good, but how about now?"

"Still sore." Finn turned his hand a little, allowing their fingers to entwine, and oh, Poe was too old to get this kind of heart flutterings at such a simple gesture. "I — I think I feel a little better, though."

"Well, there's no hurry, you can take all the time you need to get better." Poe squeezed again. "If you need more painkillers, say it, okay? Or anything else, really, though for stuff like food and drink it's probably best to wait for the doctor's opinion, you've kind of been out of it for a while. Just — anything you need, just ask. The Resistance takes care of its own." And so would Poe, but then he couldn't really claim Finn as his own.

"Am I, though? The Resistance's own, I mean." And oh, there was that hint of insecurity again.

"Of course you are! I meant it when I said you're a bit of a hero around here. I'd almost get jealous, really, except you deserve all the adoration." Poe shook his head with a grin, hoping to distract Finn from the darker thoughts. "I'll have to be careful or someone will steal you away entirely."

"I don't want to be stolen anywhere." And really, Poe's heart should not have skipped like it did at those words. Finn hardly meant anything like what his hopeful heart was choosing to read it as, particularly not when he was still no doubt sleepy and affected by painkillers besides. "Ah. You said I could ask questions?"

"That's right." Well, he wasn't going to protest at a chance for a change of topic. "I'll answer anything I can."

"Right. So." Finn wet his lips, and no, Poe, no getting bad thoughts about that. "Starkiller Base?"

"Destroyed." It still made him feel almost giddy to say that. "You got the shield down, we managed to break some more stuff, and that was the last planet that particular weapon made go boom." Poe shook his head. "You made it out just in time. Made me worry for a while there, that's for damn sure. You're lucky to have a jedi friend who has your back."

"Rey's not a jedi." And really, was Finn just being contrary for the sake of it?

"Maybe not yet, but she's going to be." Poe paused. "Ah, right. Not sure I mentioned it yet, and if I did you might not remember. Rey made it out just fine, which isn't something most people can say after facing down Kylo Ren."

"I kind of noticed." And that was good, that was definitely good, Finn couldn't be doing entirely horribly if he was joking.

"Thought you might have. Anyway, she stayed here for a little while, but when it seemed clear you weren't going to wake up any time soon and someone needed to go after Luke Skywalker, so she made me swear to look after you and left." Poe chuckled. "Not that I wasn't going to do so anyway, but she made me promise anyway. You've got a pretty fierce protector, I have to say."

"Rey is great." Finn smiled properly, now, and it was a beautiful sight for all that it made Poe's heart ache.

"Hey, okay, I know it's not my place to ask this, and it's completely fine if you don't want to answer. Just, between everything, I was wondering." Poe drew a deep breath, steeling himself for the inevitable. "What is Rey to you?"

"What do you mean?" Finn frowned. "Rey is my friend. My first proper one. Ah, not that you aren't, but — we didn't exactly have a lot of time to get to know each other."

"No, that's fair. As great as escaping from the evil villains is as a bonding experience, it's not as good as lengthy adventures across several systems. I mean, I do hope I am your friend, but clearly I have a lot of catching up to do in comparison." And, damn, he was rambling. "What I really mean, though — do you want her to be something else than a friend?"

"Like an enemy? Of course not!"

"No, that's not what I meant at all." Poe sighed, running the hand that wasn't holding onto Finn's over his hair. "It's just — some of the others were asking, well, you know. If you're in a relationship?" Way to go, Dameron. Hide behind the hypothetical others.

It took a moment, but then Finn's eyes widened. "Oh! No, nothing like that! She's my friend, but that's it. There's nothing else." Finn paused. "Well, I don't think there's anything else. I'm not an expert on this kind of thing, but I'm pretty sure I should have been informed if there was?"

"I think that's a fair assumption, yes." And now he just had to try not to seem too obviously relieved. Which was ridiculous anyway; just because Finn wasn't dating Rey didn't mean that he would be interested in Poe. And, come to think of it, just because Finn wasn't dating Rey didn't necessarily mean he wouldn't like to be. They certainly had gone to quite some lengths for each other. "Anyway, Rey is fine. If you want, I could ask the General if we can rig up a way to send a message to her. She's rather far from any of our usual routes, and obviously trying her best to be stealthy so a standard message might not work, but I'm sure we can figure out something."

"That would be nice." The smile was still there, that brilliant, heart-breaking smile, and Poe managed to tell himself it was a good thing.

"Hey, all part of the package. Told you, anything you need. The Resistance kind of owes you. And me personally, of course."

"If it hadn't been for you, I doubt I would have gotten out. So you don't owe me anything."

"Hush. Let me be grateful for a little bit, okay?" He was still holding onto Finn's hand. That probably was a bit too strong, especially since Finn finally seemed to be catching up to it, his gaze rather pointedly turning toward their clasped hands.

"Poe?"

"Yes, Finn?" He was trying not to be too tense, really he was. However, it was hard not to be, especially when those deep eyes turned from their hands up to his face and he had to meet Finn's gaze and still smile.

"Why are you here?"

Poe blinked. "Didn't I tell you?" Was Finn having memory problems as well? "I promised I wouldn't let you wake up alone, so here I am."

"Yes, I got that part. But… why you? If you're a commander, you could just, well, make someone else sit here. You said you trust them, didn't you? And you must have so many more important things to do."

"Other things? Sure. More important? Not nearly." Thankfully, everyone else seemed to agree, as nobody had been bothering him too much. "It's not like I'm neglecting my duties or anything. I'm doing what I can from here, and anyway at the moment most of what we do is looking for a new place to set up base. I think you understand why we think this one might not be so secure anymore."

"Right." Finn nodded. "Wouldn't you be needed there, though? Being the best pilot and all."

"Yes, well, about that." Somehow, saying it aloud with Finn's eyes on him, so sincere and honest, was even harder than hearing the General say it in the first place. And make no mistake, that had not been easy. "I'm… kind of grounded, for the time being."

"What?" Finn looked genuinely shocked. "Why?"

"I'm not sure if you noticed, but I did kind of get put through a pretty traumatising experience." He almost regretted his sarcasm when Finn's face well, but it was too late. Besides, it was probably the reminder of First Order that had caused it, not Poe's tone. "They couldn't afford to hold me back for the battle of the Starkiller Base, we needed all hands on deck to have any kind of hope. Now, though? They're not putting me out there until they can be absolutely sure there won't be a problem." Which was just ridiculous, really. He was fine. The occasional nightmares were clearly nothing, as was the anxiety and crushing guilt.

Well, he hadn't agreed to the order just because it came from the General. See, he could be reasonable sometimes.

"I'm sorry." And of course Finn would be apologising.

"Don't say that. Without you I wouldn't be here worrying about it in the first place."

"I can still wish it wasn't true." Finn paused, and really Poe should have guessed what was coming for the almost sly look that flashed on his face. "Also you still didn't answer my question."

"You mean, why I'm here? Or, I'm guessing, why I'm here personally? Why I'm spending so much time here?" As Finn nodded, Poe drew a breath. "Because I want to make sure you are all right."

"Don't you have doctors for that?"

"That's — not what I mean. Not quite." Though there was also that. In the beginning he had been banned from pestering the med droids for several days after too many questions in too short a time. "Just, when I'm not here, I start to wonder if you're all right, if you're getting better, if you are in pain. If I'm here, at least I can pretend to be helping."

"And why do you do that?"

"Because you are my friend." Poe thought about his words, then amended, "No, that's not quite it. I mean, you are, that's not what I meant, I just — that's not the entire reason why I'm here."

"And you're still avoiding the actual question." Well, shit. Even half-asleep and on painkillers Finn was far too astute. That, or Poe was very transparent.

"I'm getting to it." Eventually. "The point is — you saved my life. There's no ifs or buts about it, if you hadn't been there, I would be dead. And I just — we spent so little time together, I really feel rather ridiculous for feeling like this, even though I'm sure the life-saving probably counts for something, not that Jess seems to care when she talks about my ridiculous crush —" There he stopped, freezing mid-sentence as he realised what he had just said, but it was quite too late.

"Your ridiculous what?"

"Just ignore it." Poe sighed. "I'd like to be your friend, Finn. I would rather not have it ruined just because some part of me decided that an adrenaline-fuelled escape attempt was the perfect time and place to fall hopelessly in love."

Finn was quiet for a while, a much longer while than Poe was comfortable with. Just as he was about to start squirming like a kid standing next to a smashed cookie jar, Finn finally spoke. "So… you like me?"

"I do." And finally he could make himself let go of Finn's hand. He felt the loss immediately as a clutching feeling in his gut, but it was just too awkward while talking about this. "Because, well, you're a very attractive man, and stupidly brave and a great shot and you did save my life and probably my sanity as well, really at this point it would be a wonder if I wasn't attracted to you. Which is my problem, really, feel free to ignore it, I really do want to be your friend and I don't want this to ruin it. I'm an adult, I can just ignore it."

Finn licked his lips again, and oh, he was going to kill Poe. "I — don't really know how these things work." Right, because this wasn't breaking Poe's heart enough already. He'd damn well go and blow up all of First Order by himself if he had to, for putting Finn through all this. "It was never relevant to me, before. I don't — I'm not even sure how I'd tell that apart from wanting to be friends."

"Well, you have time to figure it out. I'm not going anywhere." Not unless Finn made him.

"Good." Finn smiled again, and this time the smile was all for him, and oh, Poe was absolutely lost. "I do know that I want you right here."

Poe chuckled, and it didn't even feel forced or fake. "That I can definitely work with."

And this? This was good. Being alive and free, and Finn being alive and free, and perhaps not everyone else had made it through alive but enough of them had that there was still hope. And hope, Poe was realising, was something he very much liked.

And if BB-8 beeped something about Poe being silly, well, at least it wasn't complaining about being bored anymore.


End file.
